"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.ġ8) A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.ġ5) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers."ġ6) Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.ġ7) Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Even a thought can raise it.ġ0) When should condoms be used? Every conceivable occasion.ġ1) What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a real dick!ġ2) What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate? A liar.ġ3) What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.ġ4) Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker."ĩ) A penis is the lightest thing in the world. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker."Ĩ) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" "I'm praying for guidance," replies the man. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken.Ħ) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.ħ) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" "I'm praying for guidance," replies the man. (FYI, you might recognize some of these from our round-up of the all-time best sex jokes, an excellent resource if you're looking to expand your repertoire of NSFW humor!)ġ) I'm not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great!Ģ) What's the difference between a dick and a bonus check? Someone is always down to blow your bonus.ģ) What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef stroganoff.Ĥ) What do a penis and Rubik's cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.ĥ) I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. So without further ado, here are some snappy dick jokes because sometimes, you just gotta talk about dick. Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play
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